Title: Not My Darling
Release Date: 2024

I should ignore her temptation, not give into it like a lovesick fool. Sultry doe-eyed Beyah Louise shouldn’t mean anything to me. Not a goddamn thing, and yet, she does, and I despise it.

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I hate that the polarizing scent of lavender reminds me of her.

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That shredded poetry of the bleeding heart is our fucking thing.

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That my home—my said oasis—is blanketed with her longing fingerprints. An anarchy of her faded presence lays there; festered on my crisp bedsheets, coated against the shower tiles and the washed-out imprint of her cherry-red lips rimmed around my late wife’s favorite coffee mug.

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Beyah.

Louise.

Is.

Everywhere. 

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Even when I close my eyes. Even when I convince myself she isn’t—she is. It’s ludicrous. Intoxicating. Forbidden. I’m twenty years older than her and she’s the last thing I need, and yet she wants me. Like a poisoned obsession. And my tragic grief is defrauding me.

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I was supposed to be her psychiatrist.

Solely. Her. Doctor.

She was supposed to be my patient.

Not. My. Darling.

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My job was to save her from her demons, not for her to become my weakness. This isn’t me. I thought this wasn’t me. But I can’t help bending over backward, doing everything to rid myself of the scars of my past and make her mine. I only hope that God or even Lucifer himself can save me, because as much as it scares me, I’m not letting go of Beyah.

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Not now.

Not ever.

Fuck.

Not just yet.